Fatness

Ugh. I am so sick of being so fat!! I finally started going through my winter clothes today and almost all of them are too small! Not that they fit me last winter either, but I was pregnant then,so I had a good excuse. I guess I still have a pretty good excuse, but so often I really feel like it really is just an excuse. If I really wanted to I could be losing weight by exercising and eating healthy. Instead I eat mostly junk, hardly any veggies, and I get almost zero exercise. And it makes me feel awful! So, why do I do it? Laziness, I guess. I'd rather sit on my butt and do nothing than exercise.

It started when I was a child really. I had fish sticks and french fries for lunch everyday. Everyday! So, I've been overweight ever since I can remember. It's not my parents fault, it's mine. Okay, it was my parents' fault when I was ten, but I'm 26 now, so it's my fault. I should have done something about it ages ago. Oh, don't think I didn't try. I tried just about everything. The cabbage soup (yuck!) diet didn't last too long because I hated the soup. I lost about 60 pounds on the Adkin's Diet, but it came right back after I started eating carbs again. I lost a lot of weight walking, and felt great for awhile, but then it got too cold to walk, and I met J, got married, moved to WI, and didn't walk again for a long time, so slowly the weight crept back. By my wedding I had gained about 15 lbs. back, by the time I got pregnant, I had gained about 20 lbs. back, and then pregnancy.

I was so stupid about food when I was pregnant. I just started eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted in whatever quantities I wanted. I guess I figured I was going to get fat anyway, I might as well enjoy it. I thought that because I was going to breastfeed my baby the extra pounds would just melt away. Oh, how wrong I was! By the time I went into labor I had gained almost 80 lbs. from my lowest adult weight that I was at when I was doing all that walking. I did lose some of it after Sam was born,of course. I lost about 35 lbs., but that is not nearly enough.

So, when Sam was about five months old I decided it was time for a diet. I was finally feeling like myself again, and I was sick of none of my clothes fitting me. I had to force myself to put my maternity clothes away, so that i would have to face how fat I was. So, I bought a bunch of really expensive vitamins, etc... and a diet book, and lots of expensive food, and started the diet. I did lose about 5 lbs, but I guess my eating habits changed so dramatically or something that for some reason my milk almost totally dried up. It was so stinking miserable because Sam was so hungry he was crying all the time. So, I had to take a prescription pill to get my milk back up fast. This pill makes me depressed and tired, so I was miserable also. It was a bad experience! Hence, I have not dieted since.

I keep telling myself that as soon as Sam turns one and I stop breastfeeding I'm going to lose all this extra weight, but I really want to start losing it now. I'm so sick of being so fat!! I want my old clothes to fit me. I want to look as good as I do in my engagement pictures, and even better really. And, most of all, I need to be thin and healthy before I get pregnant again because I was so huge with Sam that I was absolutely miserable for the last 3 months. And I really want to get pregnant again soon because I want Sam to have a sibling, hopefully a brother close to his age.

So, here's my plan: I'm going to start trying to eat more healthy. I'm going to try to eat at least 5 fruits and veggies each day. Also, I want to start exercising at least 4 or 5 days a week. It's too cold to walk outside anymore, so I'm going to start doing workouts on the Wii. I'll give an update each post. Wish me luck!!